I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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