What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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