the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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