I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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