Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
