these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
