Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
