I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
