i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
