I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
