So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
