Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize