matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
