I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The adults are the big ones right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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