I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
