Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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