we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
