So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
