On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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