im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
