I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
