I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
