great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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