I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
