Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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