We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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