Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
