sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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