So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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