Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
