South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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