I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
