I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
