She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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