I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
