It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
