I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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