I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
