If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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