508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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