just tell him i said nine months
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
