Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
