i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
