I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
