I think I won the penis lottery.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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