i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
