Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
