just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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