The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
