Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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