apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
