i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
