when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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