I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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