I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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