Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
