he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
