If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
