he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize