I accidentally had phone sex last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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