Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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