her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
