Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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