if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
