After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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