I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My ass is underappreciated
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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